we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize