Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You were trust falling into bushes
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
