why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
