is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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