and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
did i walk over a car last night?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
