I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
