Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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