Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
