I'm so fucking centered right now
her vagine was all disorganized.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize