I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
