He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
