Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
