When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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