Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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