its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
