zippers are such a cool invention
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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