So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My bed smells like the plague
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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