careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
