i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
