I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
