Are we in a gay sports bar?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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