Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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