my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
