i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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