she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize