You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize