Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
