I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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