she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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