She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
