I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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