He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
