hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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