dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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