I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
