I just saw a hot homeless man
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Randomize
