So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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