we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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