I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
