I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
