that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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