David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
