dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
