do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
