Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize