all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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