She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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