My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
