Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
