Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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