Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
