sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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