Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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