guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i already hear my dad disowning me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
