She said her name was "party"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
