youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
