I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
