I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
