Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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