I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
