i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
