The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you win again, gameday.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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