Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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