Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize