I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
