Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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